The Deal Breaker That Came From Crack
by mermaid2bseeker
Summary: Dean’s time is up and he has a way out. Full of crack!y goodness. Warnings: crack!Jobashing, crack!plagarism, crack!romance, crack!comedicselfreflexivity. I really have no idea where this came from, it just started at 1 a.m. and I couldn’t stop.


The Deal Breaker That Came from Crack  
by mermaid2bseeker

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Disclaimers: Supernatural belongs to the CW and Kripke.  
Summary: Dean's time is up and he has a way out. Full of crack!y goodness.

Warnings: crack!Jo-bashing, crack!plagarism, crack!romance, crack!comedic-self-reflexivity

I really have no idea where this came from, it just started at 1 a.m. and I couldn't stop typing.

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As Dean drove the Impala to the crossroads, he fervently prayed that Sam wouldn't wake up in time. Dean had knocked him out at the hotel, and cuffed him to the bed. If Sam were awake, Dean knew he'd be trying to summon the crossroads demon to do something stupid, like trade his soul.

Dean wasn't driving to the crossroads to give himself up, oh no. He had a plan. Said plan was currently thumping the inside of the trunk, but Dean didn't care. It was all about keeping Sam safe, because that's what he lived for. Yessiree, being the audience, we know Dean is a force to be reckoned with if Sam is in danger. If anyone so much as pokes Sam, Dean will turn into a psycho killer.

So it was with a song in his heart (..._bad company, till the day I die_…) that Dean stopped on the side of the road.

He opened the trunk and pistol-whipped it's occupant. "I told you to keep quiet." He snapped a picture and pulled out the Polaroid. While it developed, he dragged the now-unconscious woman out of the trunk and dumped her on the ground. He quickly wrote the words _dean winchester sends me to settle his debt _on a leftover restaurant napkin, and taped the note to the woman's shirt.

Grabbing the picture, he dragged her to the center of the road and dug a small hole. He put the picture inside the small box he had prepared for such an occasion, dropped the box in the hole and covered it with dirt. The ran like the road runner and floored the gas pedal. The Impala broke the sound barrier as it left.

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Dean had to slam on the brakes as a woman in black appeared in his path. The car stopped right at her legs.

"Sam's back and you've been alive for one year," the woman said, completely non-fazed by the near accident. She walked over to his open window. "That was our agreement."

Dean grinned. "You have my payment. One soul to suffer in hell for all eternity is back there," he pointed behind him.

The woman snarled, and for a moment, her demonic features appeared. "One soul is not equal to another."

"Ah, so we've established my proposal is sound in principle, now we're just haggling over price."

"Price?"

"Just how many souls do you think my soul is worth?"

She smiled. "One hundred souls. Three days."

"You're a darling' mate." Dean winked. "Send me back Jo, I'll get started right off."

"I'll keep the woman, a good faith payment. That leaves you 99 more to go."

"Have you not met Jo Harvelle?" Dean acted surprised. "She's noble, heroic, terrific alto, worth at least four…maybe three and a half. And did I happen to mention—she's in love. With a man. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing them to be joined in holy matrimony."

The crossroad demon's eyes drifted in the direction of where Jo still lay unconscious. "I keep the woman." She looked back to Dean. "99 souls…But I wonder, Winchester, can you live with this? Can you condemn an innocent woman, a friend, to an eternity of hell in your name, while you roam free?"

"Yep! I'm good wiv it. So shall we seal it in blood, I mean…a kiss?"

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Two hours later a strange building had been set up in the red-light district of town. A sign over the door read _Easy Women, Booze, Drugs_._ Free to the First 99 People._ Needless to say, the building was drawing a large crowd. Already the line outside the door stretched around the block.

Once Dean had 99 people inside the building, he rerouted the fire sprinkler system _(he knows how because he always wanted to be a fireman when he was a kid)_ to a large canister of chloroform that he just happened to have laying around. He put on his gas mask and turned on the system. Within seconds, everyone had fallen to the floor.

The air beside him warped and the crossroads demon appeared. She nodded, impressed at the unconscious crowd. "Nice work."

"So I'm free to go?" Dean spoke through the mask.

"Yup."

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The next morning Sam woke up with a start. He sat up and looked around the room, but Dean wasn't there. It was with a heavy heart that Sam realized Dean would never be there again. However, there was a pair of handcuffs dangling off his bed, and a bruise around his wrist. Both of which Sam found very strange.

Of course, it was nothing compared to how strange he found Dean walking in with two coffees and a bag of fast food.

Sam fell off the bed in shock, turned it into a roll and grabbed the rifle out of his duffle. "Christo," he shouted.

Dean's eyebrows raised in that way only he knows how to do, and he stared at Sam. "Dude. Relax. I took care of it."

Though he was trained better than that, and despite the fact it was very OOC, Sam accepted his brother's explanation without question.

While they were eating their breakfast, Jo opened the door and walked in.

Dean nearly choked on his burger. "Jo!?" He turned white with fear and prayed she wasn't going to unleash some of the fury she'd inherited from her mother on him.

Jo sat in his lap and swiped one of his fries. "She let me go. Said she overcharged you."

"You're, you're not mad?"

"Baby, I'm a Mary-Sue." She kissed his cheek. "I'll love anything, as long as you're the one doing it. In fact, I think it showed just how much you love Sam." Her phone rang and she answered it.

Sam looked at Dean questioningly. Dean shook his head.

Jo hung up. "That was the fan-girls. They agree with me. They said what you did 'exemplifies your desperate need to protect Sam, sometimes even from himself'."

"Dammit, Dean!" Sam shouted. "I do not need protecting. I'm 25 for god's sake."

Dean threw a fry at him. "Shut up and eat your tofu burger."

Sam snarled at him.

The door opened and Eric Kripke poked his head in. "We all know you can take care of yourself, Sam. But the fans enjoy watching protective!Dean. And we have to give the fans what they want in order to stay on the network." He pulled his head back and closed the door.

Stunned silence reigned for a few seconds. Then Sam spoke. "Don't you ever lock the door Dean?"

Dean scoffed. "No. It's just like seatbelts. We never wear them, though we should," He opened the window and poked his head out. "Because we drive everywhere!" he shouted. "Remember the semi?"

"Dean, honey. Who're you yelling at?" Jo asked.

Dean closed the window. "The writers."

Sam cleaned the trash off the table. "So, you decided where you're having the ceremony?"

Dean and Jo answered together, "Vegas."

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A/N: Please Review. 


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